We all believe that finding Mr or Miss Right is hard. Once we’ve caught our catch, reeled them in and made sure that there is no risk of them getting away, then it’s time to relax and live happily ever after. But what happens later, after the honeymoon period and a few kids? What happens when the love goes, if it was ever there to begin with, and all you’re left with is dull routine and the only reason you stay together is fear of being alone.
As we all know the story doesn’t end with ‘I do,’ but goes on for many years. What we often overlook, in the initial stages of any relationship, start to manifest themselves years later as becoming unbearable. We however tolerate them, thinking that we can change or cope with these annoying habits while reminding ourselves that our other half does have the odd good moment.
We cannot change people and as time goes on bad habits don’t disappear: they get worse. Moods change, people become set in a fixed mind frame and we stick to daily patterns as we know they work and are safe.
During the courting period we always show off our best features, we go out of our way to make sure that our partner’s day goes well and shower them with affection. But when the commitment is made the pursuit stops. We stop making the effort to impress for we feel that there is no need to and slowly the romance fades away.
Having observed couples who now live in ‘loveless marriages,’ it’s easy to see that they are often filled with conflict. The couples have little disputes about minor aspects of their day just in order to feel something. They wish for the life they used to have together or long for the opportunities that they have missed because they have abandoned them for the pursuit of love.
On other occasions one member of the couple realises that the one they married was not the person they thought they were. Now they are threaten that if they were to leave, access to their children would be taken from them. This is often the result of a domineering and possessive husband. Whereas some courts favour mothers over fathers in divorce, there is still the significant percentage that rule in favour of the father and all access to the other parent is removed.
In other situations cultural or religious factors play a role in whether a couple stays together or not. Where some religious groups strongly disagree with divorce, many people stay together out of fear of divine reprimanding. Pressure from families also plays a great influence. Where family honour is a big factor on the behaviour of all the members in unit, couples can be forced to stay together whether they like it or not. Overpowering parents, who are not challenged, dictate the actions of their adult children for no gain but their own status in society.
Needless to say too many people stay together for reasons other than the main one, love. Whether it was there and is now gone or it was never there at all, these people stay together as they feel that it is their only option or they do not want to back down from a fight of wills. In the end when we are here on earth for such a short period of time, the reason why people choose not to seek happiness is a foolish one and I truly hope that we all find what we are looking for.