Toxic

Is it just me who finds themselves drawn to people who are simply no good for them?

It has taken me this long to figure out that I have a tendency to find myself attracted to people who are just awful. On the surface they come across prefect; nice personality, friendly, always wanting to talk to you and share their time with you but in the end it turns out that it was all a façade.

You would think that after as many years as I have had I would have picked up on this habit a long time ago and kicked it in the butt. Wrong! It was only when a friend mentioned to me that my latest crush followed the same pattern as most of the others.

“We get on really well and we are always messaging each other when we are not together,” I would say coyly. “It’s just so-and-so doesn’t really know what they want right now. In the end if nothing happens at least we will still be friends.”

Strung along partly by my own sense of needing to have someone and partly because I’m given a string to follow as well.

Another friend of mine also finds herself doing the same thing and in fact there was one occasion were we fell pray to the charms of the same guy. Not romantically may I add, that would just be weird. The story here was that he befriended us both, told us that we were his best friends and wanted to spend all his time with us. In the end we did all the chasing. He failed to reply to messages, he ignored us and would stand us up on occasion when we were meant to hang out. Now I know most people would have dropped him soon after the first incident however every time we did meet he was so apologetic and kind that it made us forget the rest of it.

That is just one incident I could go through a whole load more, only the story would be very much the same give or take a bit of drama.

Worst of all when I’m feeling depressed I’m at my weakest. That’s when these charmers are on the hunt, like sharks in the water with the scent of blood. This stupid feeling of loneliness pushes you into the direction of the most inappropriate people.

A bit of advice I was given once was ‘to never run back to what broke you.’ Sounds reasonable but when the same hammer comes in different packaging it is hard to recognise it until it comes crashing down on your Ming Vase.

Does anyone have any advice on how to stop these people early on?

The trouble also can be found in the trust that it breaks with each failed relationship. Scared tissues is ripped, healed, ripped, partly healed and so forth until it becomes so tender that you hide it away.

I’ve also heard it said the ones you want to keep in your life will chase after you. Not had much of that so maybe I’m not in the right places.

It doesn’t matter if it is romance or friendship the pattern for me seems to be the same. Perhaps now I know the mould I can break out of it. I’m keeping my friends, the real ones I already have, close by to help me through. That is something I can hold onto, the fact I do have some real friends already which proves that there are more people out there like them.

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