So far I have been decreasing my level of medication to zero. This is so that the old stuff can slowly get out of my system without being too much of a shock and to make sure it doesn’t conflict with the new stuff I’ll start taking soon.
The last week I was without any meds for the first time in years. As I mentioned in my last post intrusive thoughts were creeping in making me more anxious and now that there was nothing to inhibit them they were coming quick and hard.
I was doubting myself more than usual. Putting items in front of the doors at night just in case someone was to come in uninvited. I was weepy, although that could have been combined with the fact I was also physically sick and home alone for the weekend. And to top it off I just wanted to sleep all day.
My sense of accomplishment disappeared, not doing anything but sleep. It made me feel worthless.
I did what I could to fight the thoughts and continue going on. It’s worked at keeping the bad thoughts at bay.
Needless to say I have survived the week.
Tonight I start on the new drug. I’m terrified. I don’t know how my body and mind is going to react. I’m scared of losing my thoughts and/or control of myself. And I don’t know if it is going to work at all.
Doubt and fear are my old friends.
There is only one way to find out how this will end. I’m lucky that my current doctor is really good and has promised to check in on me regular. If things go bad fast I’m sure we can fix them together.
