It has been one week since I took an overdose of a cocktail of my medication and I thought I best check in with an update.
To say the last week as hard would be putting it mildly. I have been under 24hour watch which means I can’t even cross the street without someone with me. Oh and if my phone rings and I don’t answer it then there is a man hunt out for me. I don’t blame them for the restrictions they have put on me but at the same time I could do without them.
My body feels weak. My depression makes me want to sleep all the time and the empty feeling that I had a week ago hasn’t gone either. I still feel the deep, sad, horrible void that led me to take the pills in the first place.
My shrink has told me to take two weeks off work so I am signed off for one more week. Maybe that will pick up my mood however I doubt being at home for that long is going to change anything for me.
I have started to get out and see some friends. Just little outings to start with and tomorrow I am hoping to go on my own, with regular check-ins of course.
The one thing that keeps coming to my mind is the loneliness. Having an empty place in your heart where you keep someone you love tightly snuggled up inside. There may be a few people I would like to keep there but with the feelings far from being returned it brings me back to that emptiness.
Not to sure what the next week is going to look like. I want it to be better. If not then I want it to be over. It’s a sad truth and they say this is only my current state of mental health, it will pass.
With my current state of mental health no one is going to want to be around me. Which pushes me back into that lonely place. And the circle goes on.
If things change I will post again. If they don’t I’ll post anyway.